A Drunk Seahawks Fans Key’s To The Big Game
Our city is craycray right now. All the 12th Man Flags flying, the 12th Can beers (thank you Hilliards), rallies and songs. Its beautiful. Everyone’s been tipsy since we beat the 49ers. DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME.
Are folks everywher as excited about this game as we are? They should be.
Peyton Football Jesus Manning leading his record-breaking Broncos offense against the Legion of Boom, the Seahawks league-leading defense. Five of Manning’s Broncos receivers scored ten touchdowns this year. That is INSANE good.
Seems like most people are calling the Broncos to win as a result. And of course people are crowning Manning Super Bowl 48 MVP already, deservedly so. So we are playing with house money in this game. (You might even say HAUSCHKA money, the first key). Other keys:
MARSHAWN VS. POT ROAST: Pot Roast is the nickname of the Broncos nose tackle Terrance Knighton, one big dude. He’ll be trying to stuff Beast Mode Marshawn Lynch’s runs. If Lynch gets by him - all about that action, boss. On running plays, the clock keeps ticking after the play stops. The more Marshawn can run, the longer Football Jesus stays on the sideline.
KAM CHANCELOR, MAN CRUSH: Chancelor is the Seahawk’s very strong safety, who roams the middle of the field on defense and hits men extremely hard. The Broncos offense runs lots of crossing routes, meaning they run across the middle. If they catch a ball, Chancelor will look to hit them so hard that they stop trying to do that. One of those crossers, Wes Welker, got concussed earlier this season and now wears a helmet that makes him look like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs.
REFS: STOP THROWING YELLOW FLAGS, ZEBRAS
PERCY HARVIN: Harvin was out for much of the season recovering from surgery for a torn labrum (you have to imagine how much that hurts, and imagine you know what a labrum is). Then he comes back in the first game of the playoffs and gets concussed. SO MUCH CONCUSSING. So the effing SUPER BOWL may be his first full game he plays! Percy Harvin is crazy fast and will get the ball A LOT. Flintstone feet ya’ll.
Them’s the keys as I sees them. I am super excited. Its exciting here. Have a super fun game.