June 2009
26 posts
The Battle of Monday
The Battle of Monday refers to the epic struggle between Pegasi and Octopi that lasted a bloody thirty hours from Sunday evening through Tuesday morning and left both species decimated. Neither side was considered victorious.
The battle took place upon the severe topography of the Plantain Straits, a body of water flanked by steep mountains of jagged rocks – rocks soon covered in feathers,...
Things That Make You Go Hmm
It is now day 9 of our 12 day vacation to the east coast to see family.
It has rained every single day.
This after leaving Seattle where it had been one of the nicest springs on record and had not rained for a record 28 days on the day we left.
Sometimes it feels like God is rolling the dice and the dice are your nuts.
Things I Appreciate About Children
1. They are enthusiastic and (usually) effective elevator button pushers.
2. They provide canvases upon which parents can wage passive-agressive warfare. “What are we doing tomorrow, dada?” “Tomorrow we are all going to see a friend of mama’s that dada has absolutely no interest in seeing.” “Oh. OK.”
3. They can do amazing things with scotch tape and...
I like wasting time with you.
W: Say goodnight to dada, Julia.
J: Goodnight, TV.
Suburban Crossroads in the Afternoon, in Three...
Act I: Three drivers of SUVs pull up to a 4-way stop at the same time.
Act II: The drivers spend the next several seconds making exaggerated conciliatory hand gestures, silently mouthing the following phrases: “After you.” “Please.” “All yours.” “I insist.”
Act III: The drivers slam on their gas simultaneously and all three SUVs smash into each...
MONDAY: Low Resolution Theatre
delgrosso:
So yeah. Angela and I are working on this silly new project, and we hope all of our current Tumblrfans enjoy it and pimp the living daylights out of it once it launches on Monday.
Otherwise, egos will be destroyed and therapy bills will go through the roof. We creative people are fragile like that.
__
neato
"I'm an excellent spiller, Dada."
“I’m an excellent spiller, Dada,” said the boy in the doorway, holding the empty vase. The girl cried in the other room, the cry that said ‘I’m drenched, and not happy about it in this instance.’ The dog sprung up from his sleep, self-trained over time to know it was worth exploring the whereabouts of such cries for spoils. The man sighed, and, taking the vase...
Tenk Pong
Tenk looked into the broken video camera and polished his teeth with his necktie. It wasn’t easy being a fake fake news reporter. There were long hours spent chasing perfect retorts to caustic parodies of actual events, the endless craft of honing one’s antipersona. The best of the fake fake news reporters, Tenk liked to think, flipped the mirror on the mirror of society, creating one of those...
Are you all really nice people slightly mad?
Or are you all slightly mad people really nice?
Three Components
I know many of you grapple with life’s important questions. How do I get ahead in school or my career? How can I legally kill that hobo? How do I find and attract a high-quality mate? The solution, my friends, is this: structure your answers in three components. By structuring your answers in three components, you signal that not only do you have the answers, but that your answers are in fact...
I hope your not mad I punkd your favrd sight.
So kiss a little longer, Make it last a little longer,
longer WITH BIG RED!
That Big Red freshness lasts right through it, Your fresh breath goes on and on,
While YOU CHEW IT!
So say goodbye a little longer, Make it last a little longer,
Give your breath long lasting FRESHNEEESSSS
WITH BIG RED!
Rejected Tantric Sex Positions
jasonpermenter:
So far, I have:
Swiffering the Kitchen
Waterproofing the Teak Sailing Vessel
Setting the Betamax to Record Murder, She Wrote
Dividing By 3 on the Calculator Watch
Thrift Store
Sweeten the Deal
Defrag the PC (Vista)
Accidentally Cracking the Porcelain Doll’s Face, Lessening The Resale Value
Got one to add?
EDIT: Here’re some additions from your internet-mates.
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