January 2010
23 posts
My Daughter, on MTV Cribs
[Exterior]
J: Yo yo yo, what up, this is J-Hey inviting all y’all to check out my crib.
[Quick cuts of corners of crib]
J: All right, well here you have the front gate, wood laminate, it slides up and down real good when Mom does it, and it locks at the top. One day Dad left it down when I was inside and I was thinking about climbing over but my dollies were all like ‘girl you CRAZY!’ so I...
Awards I was giving out in my head at the SFTU:
yayaa:
Most likely to smile at you from across the room and come over and hug you: @everyone
Most likely to take his pants off: apparently @clarko
Most likely roomie to sleep walk out of the hotel room and be escorted back by security at 4am (true story): @Gonowgo
Most likely to help an old lady with a cart going uphill (true story): @Porto_Rock
Most likely to punch your chocolate chip...
Kindle, iPad and Choose Your Own Adventure
After I learned to read as a kid, I loved those ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books. Make a choice, turn to a new page, the main character gets sucked into a black hole and dies, and then you’d flip back to start over and not make that choice again.
As the Apple-Tablet-as-Kindle-killer hype built up over the past month, I thought about something Jeff Bezos has often said in interviews about the...
GET OFF THE STAGE YOU SUCK
luckyshirt:
So I know nobody pays attention to stars now.
Well, I’m nobody.
I still love seeing who likes what on favstar, and how what I like compares to what a large group likes.
Sorry, but it’s interesting. Some people like doing taxes, so I feel pretty good knowing you’ll roll them and throw them in a dumpster before you come after me.
So because I like looking at stars, I’m able to say...
(after this I'll stfu about sftu)
Elevator Guy: So, what did you do this weekend?
Me: I traveled to San Francisco to meet a number of active users of particular social media services who utilize those services primarily for humorous purposes, such as dick jokes. And there’s something uniquely and fundamentally unifying about humor and dick jokes, as evidenced by the fact that these people felt an underlying sense of connection to even make the trip in the first place, but the real payoff was discovering how delightful these people are in the flesh, cementing friendships with people you admire and enjoy, and meeting new friends as part of the process. A weekend of laughs, happy nervous energy, laughs, hugs, enjoying a wonderful city, laughs, alcohol, laughs, celebration, a weekend somewhat ridiculous in premise but so meaningful in how it went down that I’m still sort of in awe, and so very grateful for the organizers and everyone that participated, I feel really lucky to be a part of it, dick jokes and all.
Elevator Guy: What?
Some Fun True Updates from SFTU
1) Last night when the party moved to the bar across the street, Sween moved a large group of the party onto the dance floor where the group proceeded to get down. 2) Soon thereafter Sween moved a large group of the party outside, where two large black Escalades pulled up. The group got into the Escalades and pulled away, with Sween leaning out the window conversing with partygoers as they...
SF Tweetup Etiquette Signals
At social gatherings, nobody likes having a giant booger hanging out of their nose, nobody likes talking to someone with a giant booger hanging out of their nose, and NOBODY likes telling someone they have a giant booger hanging out of their nose. It’s a vicious cycle. But GUESS WHAT? Boogers happen.
That’s why these handy signals have been developed for this weekend’s SF...
The phase where the boy insists on telling me...
R: Dad! How do cars deliver the mail?
M: I don’t know, how do cars deliver the mail?
R: They walk!
M: …
R: <huge grin>
M: That’s… that’s pretty funny, buddy.
(As soon as I tuck him in for his nap, I am so unfollowing this dude.)
Invention of the two-man luge
Sven! Lay on top of me! Lay on top of me as I hurtle down the track on my sled.
No, I’m serious, Sven. Together, with our combined weight, we shall fly faster. I’m sure of it.
That’s right. Good. Lower. A bit lower. Right. Good. Now put your arms under my legs. No, under my legs. Good. Yes. Yes.
Ready?
Put on Deodato's Also Sprach Zarathustra and walk...
My plan to lose weight before San Francisco has so...
rsmallbone:
PFFFT. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.
R- If using 1/23 as a motivational technique, great, but if you or any other attendee has any concern as to appearance, I say (with love) fuck that. What these slices of internets enable so well is falling in love with *minds* and god bless ‘em for it. I fell for your deranged noggin a long time ago so if there’s...
Madeleine Albright came to me in the shower.
Starting a meme on Twitter is like being the drunk dude at a concert before the lights have gone down and you WOOOOOO! and then the folks next to you WOOOOOO! and pretty soon the entire auditorium is WOOOOOO! and nobody is really sure why, but, hell, everybody loves to WOOOOOO!
Spontaneous woo.
Anyhow, totally drunk.
"$67.86, please. That sure is a lot of...
the sales clerk said to the Human Torch.
A Good Haircut
Clark sat in the barber’s chair, fidgeting, listening to Luthor drill into the bank vault six blocks away. He could hear the muffled cries of the bound guards, and Lex’s slow chuckle. He guessed that the drill was probably 2 minutes away from penetrating the vault. But he was mid-haircut. He had already waited 40 minutes for Vincent, and he was damned if he was going to leave until...